Nightmare 4#

Yet another nightmare...
Is this normal?
It would be nice if i could just sleep for once...
My eyes ache from bad sleep
Why am I so full of pain?



I'm sitting, crouched on the floor in a corner and It is so dark i can't see anything
I feel so cold...
I feel pain, there is a deep ache inside me, eaitng me up from the inside.
I am filled with hatred and anger and envy, so much of it it burns
But I also feel helpless
I'm curled up on the freezing floor crying

There is someone, in my dream, who i hate with all my soul
someone who has taken away from me somthing so precious
I want to hurt that preson so badly i can hardly breathe
I want to kill whoever it is...
But I can't
Bcause someone who is very important to me loves this person
So I am left feeling helpless and so full of pain and hatred...
I want it to stop.
The pain, that began near my stomach grows and grows
consuming me from the inside untill im screaming it hurts so much

I rest my hand on the floor next to me and feel something there
its paper, i look down and look at the letters and i realise i can see them even sorounded by darkness
The writing is a bit messy and child-like they all begin
"Dear...." but the name that follows is blurry
Like its just out of focus
I remember trying hard to see the name but not being able to
I know the name was short, but i cant remember anything else
All the letters were full of love
Beautifull words speaking of wanting to be with this person forever
Of loving them more than anything
And the sight of these beautifull love filled words made the burning inside me stronger
I held the letters and broke them in hate and envy
the pieces disapeared
I noticed than my hands were bleeding from holding fists so tightly
and that in my right hand was a knife

I knew i had nothing left
everything had been taken from me by whoever those letters were for
I let the pain wash over me
and I placed the tip of the knife between my ribs,
and pushed hard.