-Doctors.
Ok. So I suffer form dizziness and backouts, and so I have been going to the doctors to see whats wrong with me.
Aparently Im fine.
Nothing the matter with me
At all
Whatever.
Well I know there is something wrong, there has to be, I cant be getting migranes, dizzy spells, blackouts etc and there be nothing wrong with me.
So I have an apointment on the 14th to the cardiologist.
How ironic
Im going to see the heart guy on valintines day
Whatever
So there gonna do some test to see if its related to my heart. I hope Im ok, i dont think its anything serious.
They checked my blood pressure, insuline and glucose levels, Ive had xrays and hell knows what else and every test sais im fine
Maybe im just crazy and imagining it xD
-Darling.
In other news.. Darling is coming back ^^, I cant wait. He will be here in just 2 more weeks
I miss him so much
^^
Hes not staying for long, just 5 days, and then i have to wait till May to see him again...
And then its my turn to go and see him in the summer
Because I WILL make it
I WILL go
Long distance relationships are hard. But not impossible. It kills to say goodbye every time you have to leave ... and the jelousy... I get stupidly jelous of girls who see him smile, or see him walking in the street, I wish so badly that is was me seeing that smile...
And theres this girl
A girl he is so close with
who as been there for him when he has been feeling bad and thinking of death, form before he even met me
Shes been there all along
He loved her once
She is one of his best friends
And I hate her
I dont even know her and it is so unfair but the thought of her eats me up inside
not that id ever tell him that....
Everyime i see her name mentiond i feel sick to my stomach , like something is stabbing me.
Sometimes it is so hard for me to remember that its me he loves
not her
not anymore...
But its so hard
cos why would he choose me
She is so beautiful
Always happy
Always there.
I hope they find out what's wrong soon! ~hugs~
ReplyDeleteThere was a girl like that for me too... it was awful, that jealousy. Two, in fact. I wish I'd never mentioned it to him, though, because the one I admitted I was jealous of (he noticed something was up when he mentioned her), well, he blocked her off his contacts and just stopped talking, because he didn't want me to feel insecure.
They'd been friends longer than I'd known him (well, he'd debate that, but I saw them talking on the forum when I first joined so I'm pretty sure) and I feel so guilty everytime I think about it. It's good to be honest but it meant that he stopped talking to a friend completely. What would they think? How did he feel doing that for me? I told him not to but he thought it was for the best. Maybe they're talking again now, but I'll always feel awful.
To be honest, it was the other that I was more jealous of and maybe I wouldn't have minded as much... but I know that I'll never tell him unless he figures it out himself again. I can't stand that guilt.
Try and remember that you are more beautiful, to him. He chose you, when it's so much harder, so much more work, to sustain a long distance relationship, over that girl who is always there for him. Surely that shows just how special you are to him.
Its scary to feel so strongly about someone you dont know >_<
ReplyDeleteI wish he had never told me anyhting about her... He just started going on about how now "both of the girls who are most important to him have been raped" then he started going on about how shes always been there for him when i wasnt and how important and special to him she is... Made me hate her >_>... Now everytime he mentions her i feel sick... not that he mentions her much, but he does sometimes... and shes all over his facebook lol.
Lol it feels kinda nice to talk all about this stuff.. cos I cant ever talk to him about it, i dont want him to think im stupid or insecure or anything >_< but whatever
You are right, I have to think that its me he chose.. despite the distance.. though i find it hard to see how he would think me as more beautiful or anything lol... She really is very pretty ...
I have a person like that... I hate the feeling... He doesn't know though.
ReplyDeleteKenneth had the same issue a while back but I think his illness was caused by something much more different.