Emptiness...

The emptiness within her soul
It seeps between her fagile ribs
The pain she has become to know
to feel and fear with every breath
grows numb and slowly, slowly fades
and takes with it her thoughs of death
she feels the emptiness embrace
the hollow feeling in her chest
she slowly gathers up her thoughts
from all the tangled thrashing mess
her mind it struggles to be free
but she holds tight the emptiness
that numbs the thoughts that make her scream
that leave her such a screaming mess
that draw away her sanity
She lies alone and stares ahead
the freezing night, it strokes her skin
the only thoughts within her head
of when the pain will strike again

Tinnitus..

Do You know what its like to have a song going through your mind on a loop so loud it makes you want to bang your head agains the wall untill you pass out just so as not to hear it? No matter how beautifull the song may be.

Ive had the piano instrumental version of "In The End" of Linking Park for the last 3 days getting louder and louder in my head. Ive wached movies, listened to loud music trying to drown it out but the minute the distraction ends its there even louder.
I love the song, but put the song on and crank it up to loudest in yor headset and listen to it over and over and over and over and over.  .  .


I hate it when this happens. My dad sais its probably the Tinnitus that makes this happen. My minds way of changing the sound in my mind that isnt that high pitched whining.
At least im kinda getting used to that noise though seeing as ive had it as long as i remember.
Its either get used to it or go crazy
It gets so unbearable.
But its not always very loud. Sometimes i can go quite a while with it just being low backgrownd noise wich is fine. But some times it flares up and i cant even think.
Mostly its that high pitched whining. But sometimes its songs that get stuck in my head that just increase in volume and i cant seem to stop it.. like this time.
Sometimes its even worse and its screaming, or loud whispers in my ear that i cant understand. That only happens after a particulaly bad nightmare or if i get really bad beacuse of something...

But mostly its just the whining.

Does it ever get easier?...

Every time...

Every time he leaves
It feels
like as if part of my soul is ripped out and killed
My heart is torn and shredded
Im falling to peices inside.

I die a little more
every time he walks away from me

Theres screaming in my head
My eyes are aching
pressure on my chest
as if someone is trying to force life out of me
Its not fair.
This is not how it should be
I cant breathe....

I would kill to be in your arms right now
Only you can stop the pain

My darling
It tore me apart to see the tears staining your face
My poor darling
My amazing beautifull loving darling
crying because it hurt so much to leave me...

I love you so much, its unbearable how much i miss you
You are Everyhting.

I wish so badly you were still holding me.
I need my Darling...