Resolutions~

I'm gonna copy my sis's idea and write my resolutions here too.
Maybie that way i will keep them this time. . .

1~ I will join a gym with L and go regulaly.
2~ I will choose the healthy options
3~ I will Stay Away from McDonalds
4~ I will try my hardest in my exams
5~ I will do all of my homework
6~ I will pass all of my subjects
7~ I will pass Selectividad.
8~ I will get enough grade in Select. to get in to the Uni I want
9~ I will save up enough money to go to Norway
10~ I WILL go to Norway.

Nightmare 3#

I had a dream,
A strange one. 

I was sitting
My legs crossed , my eyes shut, sitting on the red tiles of my front porch,
My cats Sunny and Jack, and those strays that we have somehow aquired who we call Wendy and Moo,  roamed around me, rubbing their body against my legs and back, purring softly.
It was nice.

The Sun warmed me and relaxed me
And I love the heat.


I felt Jacks warm furr against my hand and the vibrations that course through his body and to my fingertips as he purrs.
Suddenly I feel him stiffen and the purring stops. I remember thinking  
Hes probably just seen a bird or somthing.

But then i notice he's started to feel cold, and the texture is changing. He is no longer silky soft.
It feels more like...
I open my eyes, paniked. I look down.
Where my beautifull cat was standing, now stands a statue
A statue of a cat
like Jack
Identical
It is Jack.

I  look around as I notice theres silence
And the statues of four cats suround me.


I stare, not understanding
I twist around as I hear laughter, a strange hissing, stort of laughter
But definetly laughter.

I uncross my legs and spin around, Im standing and my house is no longer there
Im in a field, vast, baren, it goes on forever
and before me stands a lady whos eyes are the most beautifull things I have seen.

Unlike the rest of her

Her face, gray, almors green, the skin so coarse it seems like scales
With thin lips, almost non-existent, curled up in a animal like snarl, bearing teeth like those of a wolf
And her hair
Dark and green 
It lay lank like unwashed
But then
the ends twiched
the strands began to seperate slowly
And then I realised
Snakes
This was Medussa.

I tried to move but I was unable to
Her eyes kept me fixed I could hardly breathe
I could feel the ice cold stone forming
crushing my insides
excruciating
painfull

The pain crept up from my feet 
From the tips of my fingers
Spreading its way through my body
The pain was so much
but i couldnt scream
I was paralized

She got closer
I was trapped in her gaze
And as I felt myself blacking out from the screaming in my body as the stone invaded me and my insides turned to ice cold rock
I heard her hissing laughter in my ears

And I thought Medussa killed me 

This as a very strange dream to me. I woke up with my heart hammering in my chest as if I had just recieved a shot of adrenaline. When I managed to cach my breath I proceeded to write it all down on a scrap of paper i had by my bed.
I still can still smell the foul smell of her breath and hear that hissing laugh . . .

Breathe.

I am back 

but he has gone 

Now I am waiting for his plane to land, the plane that will deliver him safely to his country

He has gone 

I can hardly believe it 

I feel empty 

Theres nothing left after the tears run dry

Back home again. . . 

Leaving me pining for his precence

There is emptiness in the space by my side

where my darling should be . . .

Where he has been for the last nineteen days 

That felt like forever

and no time at all.

He held me tight and kissed my tears 

Im going to go now, he whisperes softly 

I nod , I know he has to go, but I hold him tighter 

why does it have to be like this 

Even those perfect nineteen days had to end

as he walked away into the crowd with tears streaking his face

I feel what its like to have the person you love the most taken away from you 

I start shaking

my wounds raw and screaming

I want him to turn back 

I want to call out to him 

I want to feel him in my arms one last time 

Kiss him one last time 

I want it so badly I can hardly breathe

But I don't 

Because I can't 

I want to die 

Because my reason to live is leaving me

And there are so many ways that I could die

And I think about them.

But thats all I do 

Because In the midst of the pain and the loss

the heartbreak of his tear-stained beautifull face

I know I have to stay alive 

Because he is coming back to me.

He keeps me breathing.

Just in case...

Not that i think that anyone reads my blog anymore,
but anyways,
just in case theres someone out there who reads the things my mind comes up with
I wont be blogging for a while
I mainly use my laptop to keep in touch with my Darling and while i'm here online i vent my feelings here, as i have no other way of letting them out...
So seeing as my Darling is coming to see me tomorow ^_^ I will probably not use my computer that much untill he leaves.
Just in case there's still someone out there.

~

So yea, Happy Christmas to all my followers
I hope you all have a great Christmas and New Year
<3

Excited

See you tomorow My Darling.- 

I can't wait to be with you once more 

<3

This is one of my favourite songs and it makes me think of him every time i hear it... 

"Far Away"(chorus)

I love you
I loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
-
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up

-Nickelback "Far away"

It's perfect. 

Dance. . .

Dance, on the rooftops in the rain
when the streets are dark, your safe from prying eyes
when your away from a thousand stares that search for cracks in your mask,
Dance in the dark

Dance. . .
when the shadows embrace you heart and hide you from the world,
when there's so much pain you cant find your soul
when the only comfort you can find is hiding away in the dark
Dance when you hurt so much from being always alone

When you feel like dying with every move
When you feel your heart break down in pain
Dance on the rooftops in the rain . . .

Tuesday and other exciting thoughts. . .

I caan't waaait.
I'm gonna see my Darling on Tuesday ... at last. I can't wait to feel his soft lips against mine again, to lose myself in his beautiful eyes. . . The moment I see him at the airport i'm gonna go up to him and hold him and feel him close to me at last. I miss him so much.

And Sis!!! Oh my gosh,  I realy hope you get in to the singing at the olympics choir thing, It would be so amaizing for you!! I am so happy for my Sis you have to tell me all about it as soon as you know if you got in. Text me if i'm not online! haha

Also shools out so soon just 3 more school days and im done! and I can spend a long winter break with my Darling not even thinking about school ^^ oh yea . .  except for the mound of homework they are sending me. . . whatever, I dont want to feel bad today. I am having one of my rare Positive Days, one of those days where you wake up from sleeping so well, and feel happy and everything seems right.
Unfortunately i cant remember the last time i had one of these days
But im gratefull while it lasts.

So, I think thats about it i dont have anything else remotely interesting to post about. . .

 Ephemera<3